F.A.Q.
What is the Curse of the Competent Woman™?
For every woman the 'curse' shows up in a relatively unique way, not unlike an individual fingerprint. In spite of that, there are some common themes around interests, expectations and relationships that are pretty consistent ...read more
Are all competent women "cursed?"
Based on the interviews I've completed thus far, not all competent women experience the curse side of their competence.
How do I know if I have "the Curse?"
For starters, you can complete the online survey and compare your answers with those of other women... But because the curse is not a condition that there's a simple test for, no blood test, or assessment will tell you.
You are ultimately the authority about how this is at play in your life. If you find that you "see" yourself in these descriptions, join in the exploration to see if you get value and a new insight on your challenges.
So... What's the Cure?
I'm not sure any of us who are afflicted really want a cure! It becomes more a question of how to live a life that is even more whole, more vibrant and fulfilling than it already is…
Immersed as I am in the 'curse', I have struggled over the years to see the cure. But in the process of my exploration I have been continually enlightened by the insights of the amazing women I have interviewed. What I have learned is that perhaps there is no cure.
I invite you to join this dialogue, by joining in online, or attending a public workshop, but here is a sample of some of the things I have heard and experienced that can help manage the “curse;”
Develop and maintain a vibrant sense of humor (i.e., don't take yourself or life quite so seriously);
Consistently engage in some form of spiritual, meditative and/or relaxing practice;
Know what is absolutely most important to you and make sure you are taking care of those areas of your life;
Discipline yourself to say “no” to things that are not related to what is most important to you (see above);
Surround yourself with people who will tell you the truth.
How about the "Curse of the Competent Man"- How is it different for women?
Although many men are obviously also afflicted with a similar drive for achievement, their range of focus is typically less broad. Women are the consummate multi-taskers...
For example, where a man may be consumed by two or three life roles, the “cursed” women are driven to be really good at a multitude of things simultaneously—marriage, parenting, social connections, work (both outside and inside the home), community service, personal health, financial management, etc., etc. Women are more likely to feel incomplete and/or ineffective if they are not able to cover ALL of the bases well. Men don't usually burden themselves with the same kind of expectations.